


Not Always the Bad Guy

by IamDannyboi



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Abuse, Again, But He Gets Better, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Human Sides (Sanders Sides), I know, I promise, I'm evil, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, M/M, Patton is best dad, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Roman is a drama queen, Slow Burn, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Virgil is an ass, and idek what I'm gonna do with remus or if i'll even include him, but so is deceit, deceit is actually a sweetheart in this and I will fight for him, deceit is tbd, he has to reventure his development arc, legit buckle up because my oc Lex has a tragic backstory tm that gives her a bit of ptsd, logan is ace, logan is the put upon wine mom, not all the sides are gay, patton is bi, roman is, thomas is the best mom friend and you will not convince me otherwise, virgil is a jerk and it might be a bit ooc for him for a while, virgil is pan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-17
Updated: 2019-10-17
Packaged: 2020-12-21 09:16:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21072518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IamDannyboi/pseuds/IamDannyboi
Summary: Soooooooo, this is something I originally was going to post on Deviantart, but idk y it felt weird.Basically, belief in the thing makes the thing real.Where a bunch of fanders and Thomas believe in the Sides and so the Sides become real. Have bodies and personalities and such.I have NO idea where the story is going, but it is going.OC is Lex Hawthorn, who has a pretty dark and not so fun past. Stutters when overstressed, and gets ptsd episodes, so WARNING. THIS IS LABELLED EXPLICIT FOR THAT REASON





	1. Prologue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thomas encounters a problem, the Sides are real. Who can he turn to?

(Thomas' P.O.V.)

I wake up at around noon, like normal. I stretch and go downstairs to grab a quick bowl of cereal before starting the writing process for my next video. Usually, Joan comes over to help me, but I always run things past them anyways. Besides, they're currently at an appointment, and probably won't be available for the rest of the day. I start writing and think of the feedback from all the Fanders. Everyone loves the Sides. Heck, I love the sides. Each of them is endearing and relatable, to an extent. With that in mind, I start writing a script for a Sanders Sides video. Outlining the crux of the issue, the solution, and the steps taken to reach that solution.

After a few hours of that, I manage to make some halfway decent spaghetti and meatballs. The noodles are a little mushy for my liking, but it's better than them being burnt to the pan. I sit in front of the t.v. and watch a few hours of Parks and Recreation. Laughing hysterically at funny parts in the show, I relax onto my sofa. Eventually, without my consent, I drift off to sleep. In my dreams, I am in the mind palace with all of my sides, all of them looking slightly different than average. Sure, they are all dressed in the same 2.0 clothing we gave them, but there's just something a little bit different about them. For instance, Roman is taller, and a tad more buff than normal. Patton is actually shorter and chubbier than what he usually is. Logan is my height still, but much, much skinnier. Virgil, well he's still intimidating, but, somehow it got worse. He's taller, much taller, and just overall, bigger, not chubby, or muscly, but just his structure is made bigger. 

"Hmm, hey guys, how's it shakin', up here in the mind palace?" I ask them all, my voice echoey, and surprisingly smooth despite my nervousness.

"Satisfactory, though I must admit, I am not quite fond of being thought of as so weak." Logan states, observing his scrawny demeanor. "Thank goodness I do not look sickly, but still, I could stand to gain a few pounds."

"I gotta say, Specs." Roman starts, "I'm liking where this is going, I feel so much more heroic now, and dang do I look good." He says, observing himself in a hand held mirror. 

"Great, his ego is boosted, while mine has diminished." Logan states, "Is there a way for us to be put back to normal?"

"Oh, for crying out meowd." Patton comments, having donned his cat onsie. Logan face palms.

"For the last time, take that blasted thing off." Logan interjects, gesturing towards him angrily.

"Cat you just let others have a good time, Logan?" Patton responds, ever cheerful.

"Whatever, I'll just ignore it for now." Logan ends.

"I have no complaints over here." Virgil comments, shrugging in his stitched attire. "I actually like it, more effective, better way to keep your guard up, eh Thomas?" Virgil ends, smirking mischievously.

"Of course you have no complaints." Roman concurs. "You simply like that you are more terrifying than before."

"Okay, okay." I say, holding my hands out. "Why have you all changed? I didn't change you, not on purpose anyways." I interrupt them all.

"Hmmm, I'm not sure. You are the only one who can, so to speak, change what we look like, as we are part of you." Logan replies, putting his hand to his chin in thought. "Perhaps inspiration from an outside force, or complete control from an outside force."

"Well, it cannot be inspiration, because I as well haven't a clue as to where this new change came from." Roman comments, waving it off as if it is inconsequential. 

"Oh, would you look at that, your dream is dissolving." Virgil states. "Get ready to wake up or have a nightmare."

I honestly have no idea as to why he's being as sinister as he is. Virgil's a really nice guy, just a bit shelled up, and he makes me worry too much. So, why he's purposely trying to make me anxious for no real reason is beyond me.

I slowly fade back into consciousness, and open my eyes. I see my ceiling fan spinning slowly, and the t.v. on the 'Are you still watching?' screen. I sigh and move to get up, only to realize I am not alone on my couch.

I look to see four other people, or more accurately Sides on the couch. Virgil, Patton, Logan, and Roman are all slowly waking up as well, and we all scream in unison upon the realization of everyone else in the room. 

I try to comprehend the situation, drinking coffee and sitting at my little dining room table, with the other four sitting on the couch. Virgil is looking extremely worried, and anxious(surprise surprise), Patton is changing between being overjoyed and extremely upset within seconds. Logan is sitting, writing notes and huffing when they don't yield the results he wishes for. Lastly, Roman is too busy checking himself out in the mirror to really care about anything else, but I can even see a bit of worry on his face.

What do we do???

I mean, I'm not sure if this has happened to anyone before. Fictional parts of themselves, or people coming to life? What's stranger still is that they all look identical to what they looked like in the dream I had. Virgil is bigger and more intimidating than before, Patton is short and a bit chubby, Roman is buff and handsome, and Logan looks like a skinny nerd. I've never once pictured them like this before. So, how come they are not only real, but different than what I know them as. I mean, they're all still the same for the most part. Patton is still a lovable emotional mess who loves puns. Roman is still a self obsessed, singing dreamer. Logan is still logical and efficient. Virgil is still scowling and negative. But, they're also slightly different.

Patton is acting a bit....more sad than normal. Usually he has this happy feeling, but right now he's so upset that he doesn't know what to feel. Logan is always level headed and going about things in a strict pattern, but right now he's beyond exploding with frustration, and seems more confused than what is the norm. Roman is always inventive in his own way, but he seems to be having issues coming up with an inventive way to help us out, he also seems more self conscious than normal. Virgil is always sarcastic and careful, but right now he just seems almost mean, and doesn't seem to care enough about the situation to help. 

And how do I know what they're all thinking? Like, I know not just because I'm good at guessing, but I can feel it, hear it almost. Each time I focus on any one of them, I can tell exactly how they are feeling and how they are taking the current situation. I can tell Patton is as distressed as he is because I can feel it, and his thoughts are so scattered I can't begin to decipher them. I can tell Logan is losing his cool and feeling less confident in himself, because again I can hear him.

"No...that can't be it, oh what the heck! Why is this so much more difficult than I am used to? I thought I was the smart one..." Logan thinks sullenly, sighing out loud afterwards. 

I look at Roman to get his input.

"Oh, this won't do, this won't do at all. Perhaps, I can write a song to help....no, foolish, songs don't really help in real life." I gasp at that thought. Roman, talking down about music?! That's absurd.

I look at Virgil reluctantly. "Ugh, why does this even matter? Don't we have better things to do right now? There's nothing to gain from this." I hear him think to himself, but he seems to sense my intrusion because he suddenly looks up at me and scowls. "Nosey much?" He comments harshly, sneering. "Go ahead and analyze me, Thomas." He dares, an silent threat tacked at the end. I gulp and extract myself from his mind. Faintly, I can feel his pride in scaring me away. So, instead of looking out for me, he's trying more to scare me for his own entertainment. Fun.

I need to do something about this, I need to tell someone, but, who?


	2. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thomas calls Lex for help, Virgil antagonizes everyone, and Deceit isn't as bad as everyone thinks

(Lex's POV)

I head over to Thomas’s house on a friday like usual. Except for whatever reason he wanted me to bring my makeup kit. Listen, I know he’s worn makeup before, half the internet knows this. I don’t know why he wouldn’t just have Ben do it, but shrugs I guess. Anywho, I drive over and lug my case out of the trunk. Filled to the brim with every kind of facial beauty supply I can think of. 

I pull it up the stairs and ding the bell for him to let me in. Rather than the normal, happy lovey Thomas I’m used to, a um…...different Thomas answers the door.

“Well, then. Umm, Thomas...I gotta say...I like the look, but why are you dressed like Virgil right now? Are you making a Sanders Sides vid?” I ask, and he just sighs, pulling me and my makeup bag in. I go semi-willingly, and spot several other Thomas’ in the living room. “Uuuummmmm…...what?” I say in shock. 

“Surprise….!??” The real Thomas says as he enters the hall. 

“Um, why are there more than one of you, Thomas?” I inquire. 

“Welll….you seeeeeee…..allthefansstartedbelievingsomuchinthesidesthattheybecamereal,andnowIdon’tknowwhattodo,pleasehelp!” He blurbs, grabbing onto my arm. I manage to understand him and chuckle. 

“I’m not quite sure there’s a way to undo it, unless you know you want to...ummmm dispose of them.” I mumble. He gasps.

“I would never!” He says in almost a hurt voice.

“And I’m not telling you to or saying that you should, why not just accept the change? There’s five of you now! So that means more Sanders Sides videos, more friends, and more fun!” I state. The tall goth one pipes up from behind me. 

“But, what if everyone finds out? What then? If they know that we actually exist? Can you see the pandemonium that would cause?” He grumbles, making me look at him. I start to feel fear and anxiety, and frankly feel uncomfortable. 

“Virge, stop it.” Thomas says, grabbing him off of me. “Yeah, I’m worried about that, but you don’t need to give other people panic attacks about it.”

“Spoilsport….” Virgil mumbles under his breath. 

“S-since when i-is V-Virgil such an a-ass?” I say to Thomas in an undertone, he shrugs. Damn my stutter, deciding to make an appearance because of Virgil's stress inducing aura. 

“Since he became his own person.” Logan says, standing up from the sofa and adjusting his glasses. Virgil evidently shoots him a glare, because he jumps a little and avoids looking behind me. I look back, and find that I was right. I pout in concern and confusion.

“Wh-why though? He-He was evo-evolving s-s-s-s-so much!” I manage in sadness, looking up at the frightening Side. Virgil meets my gaze and a flash of remorse goes across his eyes for a moment before his eyes harden. 

“Sweetheart, that was Thomas pretending to be me. I was in the backseat of his head watching the whole time.” He intones patronizingly and giving me a sarcastically sweet smile. He puts a large hand on the side of my face, causing me to flinch. “Did it ever occur to you that I let him think that? Sure he was evolving, finding new ways to deal with me, but I never changed.” He pats the side of my face gently and I back away. 

“...is that...is that true, Virgil?” Patton's voice rejoins from the corner, sounding heartbroken. I look and see the beginning of tears in his eyes. I cautiously walk over to him, and wrap my arms around him gently. 

“I-I-It’s okay, Pa-Pa-Pa-Patton, even if it i-is true….” I try to comfort him, and shoot a disgruntled look at Virgil standing by Thomas. Another flash across his oddly violet eyes and then they revert back to the grumpy look he always wears. Thomas smiles at my effort.

“See, everything's gucci, Thomas! Listen to your minute, stuttering female companion!” Roman interjects, gesturing to me while still observing his face in the mirror. While Virgil has Thomas’ purple hair and quite different purple eyes, Roman has his own features. Reddish-brown hair and green eyes almost like emeralds. A very handsome combination, one which he clearly knows as his narcissism has taken him over. Logan rolls his grey eyes and adjusts the glasses on his nose. 

“Moving on from that. Thomas, do you think it is possible that we are not necessarily just suddenly formed bodies with souls and life, and that perhaps we are still just imaginary? The only reason you may be able to see and physically interact with us is because you have stopped believing that we are just characters created to personify your creativity, logic, morality, and anxiety.” He rambles, using those teaching hand gestures that have become his staple. “I think also that Lex can see us because she believes that as well. You both have stopped believing in us as being just aspects of Thomas, you have started thinking of us as our own entities due to the videos he makes about us while sporting our outfits.” He finishes, and Thomas and I nod and look at each other thoughtfully.

“Cou-cou-could that b-b-be true?” I say, looking around at all the others. Roman shrugs as if it doesn’t concern him in the slightest, Patton nods enthusiastically, and Virgil just continues to scowl menacingly. Thomas furrows his brows and crosses the room to plop next to Roman, from whom he takes the mirror and tosses it onto a beanbag in the corner. He goes to get up, but Thomas stops him with an arm. 

“No, Princey.” He intones, looking deep in thought. “Logan, is there a logical way we could test this?”

“Well, there is Joan and Talyn. They are the ones least likely to ‘freak out’ at the sight of us. It all depends though, do they believe in us as separate entities from yourself?” He rejoins, steepling his fingers. 

“Well, we’ve talked about you guys a lot, as I’m sure you’d all know, considering you were kinda living inside my brain at the time.” Thomas supplies, holding out his hands in a shrug. “Joan said that the way you were progressing in the videos made it seem like you were your own people, so that’s entirely possible. Unless they don’t believe it, and just thinks that it seems that way. Talyn thinks of you guys almost as imaginary pets I have.” He finishes with a wince. Roman makes offended Princey noises, Patton squeals in delight, Logan huffs and adjusts his glasses, and Virgil looks livid. I can’t help but shrink back from the glare that isn’t even directed at me. 

“Tho-Tho-Thomas, I ca-ca-ca-ca-can’t he-help but wo-wo-wonder wh-wh-why you ca-ca-ca-call-called me here inste-ste-stead of the-them.” I say, curiosity and stress evident in my voice. Logan nods in agreement. 

“Yes, Thomas, of all of your friends that you could have called why Lex in particular? I do know that you are close to her, but you also haven’t known her nearly as long as you have either Joan or Talyn. In addition, her condition makes it hard for her to handle stress inducing situations like this.” He supplies, giving a small not-quite-warm smile. Patton rubs a soothing circle between my shoulder blades, and I give him a grateful smile. Virgil leans against the wall on the other side of the room, seeming irate at everyone and thing. 

“Well, I guess it’s because she’s always told me that it would be cool if you all were real, and that having you guys would help a lot.” He explains. “Besides, she definitely believes in you guys as separate beings from myself and has told me that before. How when I pretend to be you guys in the videos, it’s almost like there are four other people in the room with me.” Thomas continues, placing a warm hand on my shoulder that causes some of my tension to ease a bit. In addition to Patton rubbing the circles into my back, it’s almost like I’m sinking into a warm bath with how my immediate stress is melting. 

“Still was pretty risky inviting someone here immediately after it happened, Thomas. What if we were only figments of your imagination? Hmmm? What then? Would you invite some of your closest friends to see that you’ve lost your mind and are hallucinating? I don’t think so. Of course,” He continues, giving me a very sarcastic and snarky look. “Now that it’s a group hallucination, that makes it better? I think, personally, you are both nuts at this point. Believing in us as separate entities, what a childish dream! I mean, do you really need friends that bad that you had to literally make us up.” Virgil ends scathingly, and I can see Thomas start to look upset. I cross the room and stand there in front of the tall goth with my hands clenched into angry fists by my side. 

“Wi-wi-will you stop being an a-ass ju-just because you’re sca-sca-scared, too?!” I accuse, my face going red in my anger. His expression shifts through several emotions, first surprise at my standing up to him, then quiet listening, then seething anger. His hand reaches forward and grabs a fistful of the front of my shirt in his hand, tugging me up a bit and leaning down to get in my face. As brave as I was being just a few seconds ago, that’s all flown out the window and I am now cowering in fear again. Perhaps I should not have provoked him, while Virgil from the videos only likes to cause emotional distress, this Virgil is clearly not deterred by such boundaries. 

“Don’t. Test. Me.” He growls, and I start trying to grapple with his hand to pry it from my shirt. “Don’t accuse or assume what I am feeling, besides, from what I’m seeing right now, you’re the one who’s afraid. What? Scared of me, huh? Scared of what I'll do next?” He says, fake pouting at me in the end, mocking me. “Oh, come on! Look at you! Scared shitless because you think I’m going to hurt you...sorry to disappoint, but not today. Just watch yourself, kitten, or you’ll regret it.” He intones, I nod, feeling one of the terrified tears slip from my eyes. Then, he lets go of my shirt, and I stand frozen for a moment. He jerks towards me, probably to scare me into moving, but I just drop down and curl into a ball, arms curled over my head. 

“Virgil, just…just go to the kitchen for now, get out of the room and cool off for a second, before you try to give anyone else a panic attack.” Thomas says, pointing to the counter in the kitchen. “Please.” He adds and I hear the footsteps go past me, but I can’t care less. Memories of similar situations with my own father assail me behind my lids. The glint of a knife, the hot pain of bruised flesh... I rock back and forth, my breathing becoming harder and faster by the second, clenching my nails into my skin and flinching whenever Thomas tries to console me with a touch or word. Eventually, my breathing slows, the images stop and I can uncurl myself, though I’m still shaking uncontrollably. Patton sits in front of me, and I can hear raised voices from the kitchen. 

“-well, Surly Temple, I think you owe her an apology!” Roman’s snaps at someone in the kitchen. 

“As if. She got in my face first, it’s not my fault she can’t take what she dishes out.I didn't even actually hurt her.” Virgil snaps back, his own anger in his voice. Then, a tired sigh. “Listen, I didn’t mean to cause a panic attack. Granted, it is my specialty, but I was only giving out what I was receiving. So, I’ll apologize when I’m dead.” 

“That can be arranged.” Roman retorts in an angry grumble. “You could at least pretend to feel bad that she’s upset, and you triggered a PTSD episode!” He shouts, sounding exasperated. There’s silence for a minute or two.

“PTSD?” Virgil finally says, most of the bite having left his tone. Roman huffs and continues sounding irritated.

“Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Things that remind them of what caused the disorder, violence for one, can cause an episode, usually a panic attack. Sometimes they feel ‘ghost pain’, too, memories of the pain caused by her father in this case. You remember her telling Thomas about that just as well as I or any of the others do! I can't believe you could be so stupid to forget! The poor thing's been on medication for it for over a year! I swear, Virgil, if you even think about pulling shit like this again...” Roman trails off, the threat going unfinished. 

“I...whatever, not my problem.” Virgil says, and then stomps past us to go upstairs where he slams the door shut to Thomas’ room. Roman comes over to us and crouches down in front of me. 

“Hey, sweet pea, how’re you feelin’? I know that Brad Pitiful can be a handful, but I don’t think he actually meant to hurt you, or else I would have given him a proper duel over it.” Roman soothes, hands cupping my face. “You’re safe here, buttercup. No one in this house will hurt you, okay?” I nod, and lean my face more into the comforting touch. 

I spend all day at Thomas’ house, figuring out a way to introduce Joan and Talyn to the very real sides now that they exist. Logan is still entertaining the idea that only people who believe they are their own entities can see them, Thomas thinks that all the popularity and love from the Fanders have given them life, Roman thinks that it was done all on Thomas’ own, and Patton doesn’t care either way, and has insisted on making a pizza and sugar cookies for them all to share. Virgil is still hiding away upstairs, but did appear for a few moments to quickly eat a few slices of pizza and then disappear again. Patton pouts at the short appearance but cheers right back up when everyone showers him in compliments of his cooking. 

Eventually, we call up the aforementioned duo, and invite them over for a movie night with sugar cookies and pizza. After they enthusiastically agreed, we come up with a game plan. I will wait on the couch with all four Sides and if they see them upon walking in, then we explain as best as possible and keep them from freaking out. If not, the four of them will go to wherever Talyn and Joan aren’t. In that scenario, an hour after they arrive, I would escort the Sides up to Thomas’ room on the pretense of taking a nap, which I do fairly often. We are all hoping for the first scenario where we can all confirm that we haven’t lost our freaking marbles. If Logan’s theory is correct, though, it may just be that since they work with Thomas on the videos so much, they are desensitized to the Sides being fictional. Logan goes upstairs to fetch Virgil who is told to take a seat on the l-shaped sectional. 

Everyone else takes a seat as well, and I reluctantly wedge myself to the last available spot between Roman and Virgil. Virgil grimaces and Roman looks a bit relieved to have a physical barrier between him and Mr. Black-Is-The-New-Black. When the doorbell rings, Thomas shoots us all a look that tells us to ‘behave or else’. I can’t for the life of me imagine what the ‘or else’ would be, unlike Virgil, he’s about as intimidating as a butterfly. The front door opens and the friendly voices of two of Thomas’ bestest friends in the world echoes over to us. He leads them down the hall and to the living room. Neither seem surprised or concerned and only seem to be looking at me. 

“Hey Lex, ready for pizza and movies!?” Joan says happily, rushing forward and hugging me tightly. I return the hug and nod enthusiastically, though my eyes dart to green and purple hues next to me in concern. I can see the same concern in their eyes. Only Thomas and I can see them so far, and judging by the way Joan kinda sorta trips over their own feet and lands through Roman’s lap instead of on it, they can’t interact with them at all. Roman looks offended and seems like he wishes he could push Joan off. I look at him questioningly, then remember that in this case, I’m supposed to pretend that they aren’t here. Talyn is luckily occupied talking to Thomas, and Joan hadn’t seen the looks I gave Virge and Roman earlier. I make a point to switch my eyes to Joan who is laughing at their own fail. They get up slowly, and head to the kitchen to get pizza and a few cookies to mow on while Thomas starts up the dvd player. 

The sides are all sitting at the kitchen table, then Thomas flips on Black Cauldron and Virgil can’t seem to make himself stay over there. He wanders over to the couch and tells me to sit up right so that he can sit. I pretend not to hear him and he decides that climbing on top of my back is the solution to the issue. Thomas sees me and Virgil from the corner of his eye and seems to be having trouble focusing for some reason. Virgil lays himself on top of me, his front pressed to my back and his arms folded atop my head to cushion his own. I try very hard not to show that he is basically crushing me into the cushions, and don’t know how none of them notice how I suddenly sink into the couch. I would complain but the look Thomas gives me says to shut up. 

To his credit, Virgil leans some of his weight on his legs which are separated and on either side of my own legs. He also doesn’t fidget all that much either, just contentedly watches the old disney film. I huff, and see that still no one notices my irritation, besides after the episode earlier, I’m not so sure I want to pick a fight with Virgil right now. Thomas keeps shooting me concerned glances and after twenty minutes of watching the film with Virgil using me as a cushion, Patton gets up from the table and walks over to stand directly in Virgil’s line of sight. 

“Virgil, get up, please.” He asks, sounding stern. His question was more of an order than a polite askance. Virgil huffs and snuggles down even more, unexpectedly wrapping two arms around my torso and burying his face in the crook of my neck. Patton looks on unimpressed. I can’t even say anything, I just have to pretend like there isn’t a possibly violent emo guy snuggling me for some reason nor a father-like guy trying to get him off because he’s squishing me.

“But, Patton, I’m comfy!” Virgil whines like a small child. “And….she’s warm and...I feel bad for earlier. I’m sorry…” He says, nuzzling the side of my neck in a way that would be affectionate from literally anyone else. Virgil isn’t like this, so this can’t be Virgil. I look at Patton with fear in my eyes, and see Thomas shoot me a look. 

“...Virgil, you're acting a bit funny.” Patton comments starting to look nervous. 

“Pat, why would you think that? I'm just trying to be affectionate and convey that I'm sorry, besides I'm not hurting her.” Maybe-Not-Virgil says, hissing slightly when he says “besides”. I gasp, the others look at me but dismiss it as a reaction to the movie. I mouth one word at Patton and he goes pale. Thomas is looking at us, panic starting to dawn on his face. Patton points a shaky finger at “Virgil”.

“DECEIT!” He accuses, and I feel a prickling sensation above me. 

“Why hello, isn't it a lovely surprise to see you all here?” He intones, still holding me. “And don't worry about Virgil, he's wide awake upstairs in the bedroom.” Thomas excuses himself to use the bathroom and rushes up the stairs. He comes back down ten minutes later with a disheveled Virgil in tow. 

“I was just taking a nap. You didn't have to-Deceit?! What the fuck are you doing here?” He spits icily, and I almost sigh, that’s the old scary boy I know. Deceit chuckles and gets up, sitting on the ground beside me and stroking my hair. I slap away his hand and also slap him across his stupid, half-scaly face.

Talyn gives me an odd look and I almost freeze.

“Mo-mo-mosquito...li-li-little pests.” I supply and they nod, going back to the movie. Patton pulls Deceit to his feet and leads him into the kitchen, dragging him by his ear. I can hear him lecturing and almost giggle at the typical Patton-ness of the gesture. Logan and Roman had come into the living area at that point and are sitting down next to me almost like a personal guard. 

“Don’t worry, that serpent won't bother you anymore. Patton will take care of him.” Roman whispers to me, I lean back and let the warmth of the two boys comfort me. Virgil is laying on his back by our feet and is playing with a Rubik's cube. I assume that he must have conjured it because Talyn and Joan aren't staring at a floating toy. 

A few minutes later, Patton makes a very disgruntled looking Deceit sit at the kitchen table and conjures a deck of cards to play Go Fish with. Roman shoots a glare, and so does Virgil. Odd to see them agreeing on something even if non-verbally. They don't trust Deceit. Logan seems only a tad miffed about it all and continues reading a book that he also had conjured. I wish I could do that. Roman entertains himself by playing with strands of my hair until I subtly nudge him and look at Joan and Talyn pointedly. No need for them to see random pieces of my hair braiding themselves.

Eventually, the movie marathon has to end, and we bid our goodbyes to both Joan and Talyn. After they leave, I sigh in relief and round on Deceit who has the nerve to look surprised. 

“Yo-yo-you!” I say in anger, but can’t really think of what to say next. “Ho-how dare you imp-imp-impersonate Vir-Vir-Vir-Virgil!”

“Because he’s been sooo kind to you since you’ve arrived here.” Deceit bites back. “I would hate for you to know, but I care a lot about what you think of me.” I raise an eyebrow and he looks frustrated with himself. “I can’t only lie.” He says, gesturing with his hands and I get it. He can only speak in opposites. “Besides, what if I did that because you all love me and are not at all wary around me, but you haven’t accepted this ball of sunshine? What if I am so definitely not over being seen as the bad guy? I am all bad you know.” He says, sounding furious. It gives me pause and everyone in the room is silent. Thomas is the first to speak.

“How exactly are you not all bad, Dee?” He inquires, sounding perplexed and a bit irate. “You make me lie to myself about stuff that I shouldn’t.

“I just want nothing more than for you to get hurt in the worst ways possible, Thomas!” He shouts, giving him a look that says “get it now”. “I never did those things to protect you, of course not! I only wanted you to think the worst things of yourself, because in no way shape or form are you a good person! I know why I even bother, when you all love having me around so much and appreciate anything I do for you. Yes, I should convince you to lie, its right. But, I’m not past that now, now I’m not going to focus on protecting you in the best way I can.” Deceit rants, getting more and more worked up, the one yellow eye coming into a slit. “I mean, sure I can help that I lie, but you all look up to me still….” He ends, and I can see the shimmer of tears in his eyes. “I may be one of your Light Sides, Thomas, but I can promise that I am all bad…” 

“I…” Thomas trails off. “I’m sorry, Deceit, I guess. I seem to keep making that same mistake. I mean Virgil has just been trying to protect me from the beginning even if he was...mean at first. You I guess are just focused on me thinking good about myself instead of falling into self deprecating thoughts. But, it’s okay to know that I’m not perfect, Dee. None of us are, and you are still a part of us. Even, if we haven’t been the most understanding…” I frown and walk forward again, Deceit takes a step back and puts up his yellow-gloved hands in defense. I hold up my own in assurance. Then, I surprise everyone by hugging him and squeezing him tight.

“I-It’s ok-k-k-k-kay, D-D-D-Dee...ever-ev-every-everybody makes m-m-m-mistakes. You-you-you just g-g-g-g-gotta learn from the-the-them.” I supply, feeling shock when he hugs me back and starts sobbing onto my shoulder. I rub his back soothingly. “Be-Be-besides. You-you didn’t hur-hurt me earlier. If it-it-it w-w-w-weren’t for m-my arm, tho-those would have been sat-sat-sat-satis-satis-satisfactory cuddles.” I manage, and mean those words. He was warm and almost like a comforting weight on my back. Any bad feelings had only to do with my trapped arm and my fear of both Virgil and Deceit. One of which is now alleviated. Still have to work on the one of Virgil now. “Shhhh….it’s o-o-o-okay.” I soothe, and Thomas joins by patting Deceit on the shoulder. 

“I’m gonna try and do my best to make you feel like we understand you better, okay?” Thomas states, and looks a bit tearful himself. He hates when other people are hurting, especially when he caused the pain, as unintentional as it may be. The others nod slowly, Patton is a bit more enthusiastic about it, but he’s always been the most trusting.

Virgil is shooting Deceit a glare. “Just...don’t turn into me anymore.” He says, straightening his hoodie and avoiding eye contact. Deceit nods into my shoulder and pulls away a bit, rubbing at his eyes. 

“I am so terribly not sorry, I think I’m going to go not take a nap.” He says, and wanders his way up the stairs. I make to go after him but Thomas stops me. 

“Let him go for now, he probably needs some time alone.” He supplies, and pats my head. I frown up at him but concede. 

“Sho-sho-sho-should I st-st-stay the night?” I inquire, worried to leave him on his own in this chaos. He nods and looks apologetic.

“If you don’t mind...I’m just...I need someone else here just so that I know I’m not going crazy.” He rejoins, looking for all the world like a kicked puppy. “I-I know that you don’t do stress well, and this must be difficult, especially with Deceit and Virgil messing with you, but I’m so, so thankful that you’re here.” He continues, grabbing my hands in his. I give him a small smile and pull him into a much needed hug. I don’t do hugs all that much, but his hugs are like magic. I only hugged Dee because he clearly needed it. Patton kinda hugged me when I needed it earlier so I didn’t mind that so much. Now, I am hugging Thomas because he needs the affection. Patton comes up to rub between his shoulders, and Roman plays with his hair like he knows Thomas likes. Virgil and Logan stay on the couch and look on uncomfortably. Clearly, neither are okay with touchy-feely stuff and are not particularly fond of emotional things. 

We pull away and all kind of sprawl on the couch. Patton goes upstairs after a while to check on Deceit and even comes back down with him in tow. Pat looks self-satisfied while Dee looks embarrassed and very self conscious. I feel pity for him, I mean, he’s got one snake eye and half of his face is covered in scales, not to mention the knowledge of his misdeeds against Thomas and the others. I purposely move from where I am seated between Roman and Virgil to sit next to Deceit. Roman looks offended but says nothing while Virgil just scowls. 

Deceit seems to appreciate the gesture and gives a small pat to my knee. Patton immediately says something about brownies and heads to the kitchen while Thomas follows. The next hour or so passes in relative peace and quiet. Dee and I play a few games of two truths one lie, which is difficult for him because he has to try to intentionally lie in order to tell the truths. Unlike Virgil apparently, he doesn't seem to have any issue with me and is genuinely sorry about the distress and shenanigans from earlier. Roman can't keep himself from glancing at us while tending to his sword, and Virgil has on headphones but puts forth no effort to hide the glare burning a hole in the side of Dee’s head. 

I try to be nice and direct his attention away from the heated glare but from the constantly uneasy look on his face, he is very aware of it. Patton announces that we can have brownies now and Dee gets up to get some for both of us. I have surprisingly learned that he knows sign language, something he uses with any number of the other Sides to communicate his actual thoughts instead of lying. I too know signing, as speaking is sometimes impossible for me. Once he gets back we eat in silence and convey our thoughts through the gestures. After a while, Virgil growls in anger and gets up to stomp to the spot we occupy. I flinch, and a look of what could have been guilt flashes in his eyes, but it’s gone as soon as I spotted it. 

“Could you both stop waving your hands like idiots, I keep seeing it in my peripheral and it’s pissing me off.” He states, I blink, and feel my own anger rising. The little voice in the back of my head tells me to watch myself, remember what happened last time. I opt instead for silent, steaming anger. 

“Virgil, leave them be, they are conversing in what appears to be sign language. Perhaps it was done in the attempt to not trigger your sudden rage-induced outbursts.” Logan comments, looking up from the Agatha Christie novel in his lap. Roman peers up from the sketchbook in his lap and looks over in mild interest, no hint of surprise at Virgil or Logan’s statements. Virgil rounds on Logan. 

“Okay, so because freaking Broken-Record over here can’t complete a sentence, people have to start waving their hands around?” He retorts. I feel an inexplicable ache in my chest and a lump in my throat at his words. I shouldn’t care that he said them. He’s a jerk, and I don’t care about him. Except when he was just fictional, I freaking adored Virgil. He was just an angsty bean that needed a hug and affection. Just an insecure bean that thought he had to be mean and scary to get attention. Now? Now, he’s just an asshole. Patton gasps and walks forward to reprimand him. Virge is having none of this, he shoves Patton back and he falls on his ass, a wounded expression on his face. “Patton, don’t even fucking start with me, you’re lucky all I did was shove you.” He seethes and turns back to me. “So, you done with the hand charades, sweet pea, or do you need another sign?” He asks and then immediately gives me the one fingered salute. Another pang hits my chest, and I feel so small, well smaller than normal. Deceit glares at him. 

“I would punch you straight in the face if I thought you were worthy of it.” He growls, and stands up as well. I am surprised not only by his hostility but his sudden ability to speak the truth. “You are needlessly upsetting everyone because you can’t control your temper. Don’t even try lying and say that you don’t care because I am the master of lying, I know when to tell the truth from falsehood.” He wobbles a little and plops back down next to me, shaking. Apparently telling the straight up truth is draining for him. I level a heated glare at Virgil, and would say something, but I know that my mouth and vocal chords will not cooperate. He laughs at my attempt. 

“Yes, I’m soooo scared, what are you going to do, stutter at me? Try and bat me with your hands? Hiss at me?” He suggests, completely condescending and bringing the tears out finally. “And now she’s going to cry, oh, boo hoo. The big scary guy is saying mean words, huh? Well, suck it the fuck up, cupcake! Because-” And he doesn’t get to finish his sentence. As Virgil is such a big guy, it's odd to see the next occurrence. Because Thomas just fucking decked Virgil so hard that he toppled over onto the ground. Deceit takes the initiative to usher me up the stairs while the two grapple on the floor and Patton tries to yell over the noise. 

Once finally upstairs, I let myself completely break. Just sobbing, crying and sniffling, and most of all, stuttering wails. Dee just pats my back and says nothing, he’s unable to tell any truth of how it will be alright and anything else will just hurt further, so he stays mute. We stay like that for a while until my eyes are dry and sore, and most likely red and puffy. I shouldn’t have let him get to me like that, but his hurtful words combined with a face that is very dear to me, the face of a friend, also coupled with the undiluted fear I get from being near him had tipped me over. Now that I am done sobbing, I get angry with myself for letting some jerk get the better of me. 

I have never seen Thomas hit anyone or thing in anger, but I suppose he’s never really had a reason to. Deceit watches me with concern in his eyes, unable to say anything that might mitigate my pain or anger. Screwing up his mouth in determination, he starts signing at me.

‘You are angry, why?’ I sigh, and respond in kind.

‘With myself. I let him get to me, he’s just some jerk who doesn’t seem to care about the consequences of his actions.’ I finish, my hands faltering and then dropping to my lap. 

‘He is acting like a jerk, but I think it’s because he’s scared. We’ve never been in physical bodies before, only in Thomas’ head. He doesn’t know what to do about it.’ He attempts to explain, not sure what he believes of what he’s even signing. Finally, he sighs. ‘I don’t think he realizes he’s causing pain until the damage is done. He just acts on what he’s feeling, and well…’ He ends, shrugging. '...doesn't seem to be able to stop himself.'

I sigh, rubbing my temples, feeling a stress headache coming on. Why did this all have to be happening at once? Not only is the idea that these guys are real bring stress, but the fact that only Thomas and I can see them so far is further cause for concern. Then, I've been dealing with Virgil, then Deceit, now Virgil again messing with me and my stress levels. I've already had two types of mental breakdowns today, and was basically the center subject of a fist fight. 

"What a day…" I muse aloud, tilting my head back and giving him a worn out smile. I pleasantly realize I didn’t stutter once in the small three word utterance. “At least it feels a bit safer, less hectic here away from everyone.” I say with a bit of my normal positivism. If there’s one thing I’ve learned through the years, it’s to not dwell on the negative. It doesn’t get you anywhere. He nods, giving a small smile of his own. It’s odd, his behavior, so different from the sly snake he’s been in Thomas’ videos. Then again, in one of his most recent appearances, he seemed to be wanting to help Thomas, in his own convoluted way. Also again, the lot of them are different enough from their portrayal in past appearances that it makes sense. Roman is a lot more self centered than what I remember, and seems to have a tad more of a temper, at least when it comes to Virgil. Logan is even more emotionless and cold, but not so cold as to seem unfriendly. Patton is bubbly and warm hearted, but seems only slightly different in his ability to suddenly keep a cool head rather than getting upset. Well, he still gets upset easily...maybe he at least hasn’t changed all that much. Virgil, though…

Callous, rude, and terrifying. Though he was portrayed as a misunderstood shadowling who used his rough demeanor as a method of defense, he now seems to almost revel in the unpleasant reactions he gets out of everyone. I must have imagined those quick flashes of guilt, or confused them for something else. It’s hard to reconcile the seemingly sweet, if under confident and distant boy with this new monster wearing his outfit and face. I frown in thought, still feeling the ache of the migraine in my brain. 

This is just too much for one day. Too damn much.


End file.
